When Kailei met Brad

I'm Kailei. 

He's Brad.

And we are two best friends in love. 

We might as well start from the very beginning...

and then we will fast forward to the here and now. 

Brad and I met in Preschool. 

Really. 

We were instantly best friends... mainly because I insisted on such!

One day, I noticed that Brad was playing with another little girl. 

I wasn't okay with that. 

So I walked up to him and said "Brad, I need to talk to you!!"

He obediently followed me away from Allie. 

"You can't play with other girls anymore."

Again, Brad agreed. 

Some may say that this is where my bossy nature began. I choose to call it life planning. 

And our life-long friendship began. 

 We moved on to Kindergarten and were blessed to be in the same class. 

I'm on the left. Brad's on the right. 

Apparently, I let Brad have more friends once we reached Kindergarten. 

Throughout elementary school, we remained great friends.

Brad is Swedish, and each year he chose a friend to play St Lucia as he told about the history. I got to do it in 3^rd grade.

 We both ran for Student Body Historian in 6th Grade. 

And Brad beat me. 

I'm not still bitter or anything 

And then Junior High came. You know that awkward age where you’re trying to figure out who you are and where you fit in? When you want to make sure that you get to sit at the "cool kid's table" during lunch? When you want people to start noticing who you are? 

We sort of grew apart. 

Then one day, we realized that we really missed each other.

That it was silly to not be friends. 

And then it was just like old times again. 

In 9th grade, we ran for Student Council. 

This time, I made sure that we ran for different offices.

And we both won.

We thought we were pretty cool.

Once we started in to high school, I think that everyone knew that we really liked each other. A lot. 

But neither of us would admit such things. We were best friends. That was all. 

The day I turned 16 was the day of the big homecoming game. 

I was so happy that I would be old enough to go.

I really hoped that Brad would ask me.

And he did!! We were each other's first date.

Maybe it sounds weird; maybe a 16 year old doesn't know such things, 

but something about that date just felt right. It just felt good.

It wasn't awkward or weird at all. 

It was perfect. 

But then things got weird. 

We started going on dates more and more often and we were together all of the time. 

It was fun, but we were getting worried. We didn't want a steady boyfriend/girlfriend.

We were discouraged from having steady boyfriends/girlfriends and didn't want

 to go against what we felt was right. 

Could two people who really liked each other just be best friends?

So instead of rationally talking it out and making sure that we were just friends, I cut things off completely. I still remember the night that I explained all of that to Brad 

and basically told him that I couldn't see him as much.

 He cried. 

I felt like scum. 

For about a year, we didn't really see much of each other. 

I hated it. 

And then, just like in Jr. High, we realized that we really missed each other, 

and became best friends again.

But it was different this time. More cautious. 

We had many common interests... 

though Brad now claims that lots of them were my interests that he jumped on board with. 

We really liked American Idol, and even went to an Idols Live concert.

We are both very musical and did Choir and Orchestra.

We were able to go on a trip to Washington D.C. with our music groups and it was a blast!

And we graduated from High School!!

Before we graduated, Brad already had a call to serve an LDS church mission in Nicaragua. 

He was off to South America, and I was off to college. 

Brad and I wrote every now and again, but nothing serious.

I knew that he was loving his mission and serving the Lord with all of his heart.

I knew that he was a great missionary. 

Meanwhile, I was loving university life. I loved going to institute and learning more about the gospel. I loved meeting new friends and I really loved the education that I was receiving.

 I dated a lot while Brad was gone. 

I dated good guys. But something was always holding me back. 

I wanted to serve a mission, but when I prayed about it, it didn't feel right.

I was sad, but listened. 

Brad got home and we started dating exclusively a few months after he returned. 

Something didn't feel right. 

I was devastated. I had always thought that it would work out once we were older. 

The day before I broke up with Brad, I felt that it was time.

I could now serve a mission. 

We broke up. 

Brad asked if it was forever. 

I said yes. 

I received my mission call to Argentina and I could not have been happier!

My mission was definitely the most amazing experience I had had up to that point.

It was wonderful to be able to serve the Lord 100% of the time

and not worry about anything else. 

Again, Brad wrote every now and again, but not often. He went to school. 

He dated a lot. But he didn't get married. 

Coming home, I was nervous to see him. I didn't know what would happen, if anything.

After all, I had told him I wasn’t interested in dating again.

Only problem was, I was interested.

But would he be?

The first time I saw him again, I got that tingly feeling. Something felt good. Right.

And I knew then that I would marry him.

Luckily, he was feeling something too. 

We began dating very soon thereafter.

 Our first date after the mission was a "thrifty ball."

I taught Brad how to make Argentine Empanadas.

We had Bop It tournaments. 

Basically, we just had a lot of fun. There were moments where I had little "freak outs."

I had only been home a few weeks when we started dating exclusively.

That didn't seem normal.

We were already talking about marriage.

That was fast!

I knew that it was right, but I just couldn't move forward. 

Then, I went on a trip with my family. 

And I missed Brad terribly. 

I knew I couldn't be without him. 

So we got engaged. 

And 5 months to the day of me returning home from Argentina,

we were sealed for all eternity. 

Thanks to Darby Elizabeth Photography for the amazing pictures!!

We don’t remember life without each other

and now we won’t ever have to.

We now live in Utah where Brad is attending law school.

We have been married for a year and a half and are expecting our first baby!

This year and a half has been a blast and we are loving every moment we have together.

We aren't perfect,

but we are perfect for each other. 

Kailei and Brad have a blog where they write about the things they do to increase their love for each other every and they  hope to help readers feel inspired to do the same. From date nights to dinner, love notes to faith you can find it all at www.twobestfriendsinlove.blogspot.com
You can also follow them on Bloglovin, Pinterest, Twitter, and Instagram 

When Karin Met Cameron

For 28 years I always heard common clichés like, “You’ll find the one when you least expect it” or “Don’t go looking for love, let it come to you.” When I began graduate school, meeting a man, dating, and marriage where not what I was expecting nor what I was searching for. The dread of working full time while putting myself through school, writing papers, and late night studying consumed me as I attended my first class of grad school, Lifespan Development which now seems ironic. In the same class was Cameron, one of all four guys in that class… and one of only a hand full of men in the program for that matter. We were both beginning our graduate school journey towards becoming professional counselors. He sat a row ahead of me, constantly glancing at the clock anxiously waiting for the class to end.

Change began to happen one night during a group presentation. The activity was to list your negotiables, the values and beliefs there were flexible in a potential relationship, and non-negotiables, the values and beliefs that needed to be exactly matching for the relationship to be viable. We then compared it to the list of the man assigned to the group of 4 or 5 women. Out of five women in my group, my list came out more compatible for a relationship with Cameron than the all others in the group with only 1 category not matching out of 5 negotiable and 5 non-negotiable items. The leader of the exercise joked if there were going to be any love matches from this, but I didn’t think much of the match at that time and wrote it off as an interesting little activity. Later in the semester, Cameron flagged me down in the parking lot near our class one night to introduce himself and talk about our mutual interest in traveling to Peru as I had posted on Facebook about going someday. We made small talk from then on, but lost touch over the Christmas break.

A semester later, we ran into each other on campus. We enjoyed catching up, talking about the new classes we were enrolled in that semester, various theories of counseling, and discussing Viktor Frankle’s “Man’s Search for Meaning” which Cameron had loaned me earlier. Through our conversations, Cameron learned that at the time I was living in a notorious part of town (considered by some) and he expressed interest in coming to visit and checking it out for himself. One weekend in February he came over …and continued to come over every weekend after that (and I mean EVERY weekend)! We enjoyed doing things together like going to a roller derby, shopping in the farmers market, going for hikes and walks, and watching our favorite TV shows (Firefly is the bomb!).

Throughout that spring and summer, Cameron made an effort to come visit every Saturday and even came from his home 47 minutes from mine on Sundays to go to a small church I attended and worked at with the youth group. During that time we did a lot of talking about our background and faith. Cameron often mentions that during this time of our relationship, I really ran him through the ringer of questions and discussions concerning our personal relationship with Christ, general beliefs, and values. Honestly, I would agree with his account of being a 21^st century Spanish Inquisition, but I had waited 28 years and had been on several dates with a wide array of men that after getting to know them I knew were not a good match for me. At first glimpse he didn’t fit the mold of what a “Christian man” looks like from my dreams and expectations … he sure didn’t speak “Christian-ese” or fit the image of the Boaz I was going to marry one day. 

We had many discussions about this idea of the “Christian man” and how that can look many different ways. I was battling those ideas that I had in my head and what I was experiencing as a true connection. I even went as far as showing up at his door step fully prepared to end the relationship despite my feelings that this was a genuine, great thing. Ultimately, Cameron proved his heart for the Lord and for me through action and deed. 

His relentless pursuit of my heart while daily seeking the heart of God was very evident. When I was in the throes of a dark, depressed, and stressful time, Cameron lovingly supported and comforted me. When I drove over a curb, popped all four tires, bent three rims, and ran over a baby tree late one night, Cameron took off work and came over first thing the following morning to serve me by assisting with the repairs. His thoughts are towards me and shows love in my love languages…quality time and physical touch (Although he argues that my love languages are all five!). His heart is filled with compassion for his friends, family, and the clients that he works with, and as we have discovered he is my “like opposite”. His strengths are my weaknesses and vice versa.

We’re only a year and a half into our marriage but Cameron has embraced his role as husband, protector, provider, and leader of our family (just the two of us and our little fur baby, Seren). We are working hard to honor God with our resources, choices, actions, forming healthy family habits, and planning for the future. However, it isn’t as story book as it may read. There are disagreements and hardships. I have said it is like running the 3 legged race of your life, for life! In the words of Cameron though, the sweet is never as sweet without the bitter…I’m sure he took that from a movie, he always quotes something. I know this though…this man was well worth the wait, not only as my first kiss, but also as the man I would marry and do life with, together

This guest post was written by Karin Schober and is a part of the series How We Met. Join us for more romantic stories all week long 

on Messy Mom.com 

How We Met- A Series of Love Stories

This is the biggest bloggity announcement I have made in a long time! After 7 years and over 1,400 posts I have never once had a guest blogger. All of that is about to change starting this week as we begin the series "How We Met".

Each day this week a different couple will be contributing their own love story, and I hand picked my favorites so you are not going to want to miss it! 

The whole idea began with the time I wrote the post "Where Did You Meet Your Spouse". Here is an excerpt from the piece originally posted on November 5, 2014

I thought it would be fun to take a poll about where my friends met their spouses, and to put a spin on it what would it be like if they got married at that same location. The online conversation really took off and I got over 100 responses. 

Here is the question: 

If you got married in the exact place that you first met your spouse where would that be?  

And here are some of the answers:

On a football field sideline
A bar (she was the bartender by the way) 
At the mall on Black Friday
Sand volleyball courts
U-Scan at Kroger
9th Grade English Class
J Crew

That's just a handful, but there were plenty of people from my poll that had met at college, someone's house (through friends), or at church. It's not so much about WHERE you met your spouse it's HOW you met your spouse that tells the story...

That is where "How We Met" comes in. Here's a sneak peak at the couples that will be writing on Messy Mom this week. I'll share WHERE they met, but you'll have to come back for the rest of the series to find out HOW. 

Cameron and Karin

       

                                     

Met in a Grad School classroom

Bradley and Kailei 

       

                                     

Met at  preschool

Mike and Andrea

                                                             

Met at the gym

Scott and Jennifer 

                                                             

Met in his pick up truck in her driveway

Richard and Nancy

Met in a parking lot

I cannot wait to hear from all these amazing couples and read each of their unique love stories.
Tomorrow kicks off my first guest post. 

 Happy Valentine's week everybody! 

Frugal Valentine Ideas

 I said in my last post that I am a romantic at heart and it's true, but I am also very frugal. For Valentine's day this year my husband and I will be attending a little banquet at church. It's a BYOD  (bring your own dessert) party with a chocolate fountain. Nothing fancy, but it's all free, including the child care.

 Um, a child free evening full of desserts? Say no more. 

As far as the kiddos, my heart is pitter-pattering at the realization of how much I spent on their class Valentine cards. 80 cents! As in two boxes of cards for 40 cents each. I got them on a clearance table at Kroger last year for 90% off! Z's have little angry notepads included and SJ's are an animal theme that come with stickers, so I think the kids will love them. Valentine's are not all that expensive to begin with, but every little bit saved is helpful. So if you find me sifting through the clearance tables in a couple weeks you know what I'll be looking for. 

Another way I saved last year and have repeated this year is with McDonald's Valentine's. I know you all probably love McDonald's as much as I do. Which means you hate it. However, living in a small apartment with no outdoor play area means we have to get our recreational activities elsewhere and on a rainy day that means the good ol' Mickey D's play land. Even though I don't need any Valentine's for the kids I bought a pack for us to keep. Because when I can get 12 valentine's coupons for $1 that means I am saving $11. I can turn these Valentines in for a free ice-cream cone, or bag of apples slices, or whatever, and then the kids play for free. 

Lastly, I want to give a shout out to a fast food chain that I do endorse and that is Chick-fil-A. Last February Z and I participated in our first Mother Son Date Knight.

 It was such special time. I can not say enough good things about the activities that CFA does to promote family bonding. In fact my friend Ashley and her husband (who I mentioned back in my 31 day series about Lots of Hope for the Little Home) have their own Chick-fil-A in Loveland Ohio. They are hosting a fun little Valentine's event at their restaurant so I wanted to throw that out there for any of my readers in Northern Colorado that want to enjoy an evening with their Valentine in a memorable laid back way. They'll have table side service, a photo booth, and live music. You need to reserve your spot though so give them a call.

If you are in the Cincinnati Ohio area and interested in the Mother Son event then you can reserve your table online (click on the date of the event and you'll see the announcement on the banner above the calendar). I've got our tickets already and Z is over the moon about getting to do this outing again. 

And since we are talking about February freebies I should also mention that Chick-fil-A's all over the country are doing free coffee for the entire month!!! Married, dating, or single, this offer gives everyone a reason to fall in love with this season. 

 There is only one week left before February 14th. Who's ready? 

 

15 Years Ago I Wasn't Quite In Love

This is a really exciting year for me you guys. I am a bit of a romantic, and while most of our anniversaries are low key, the 5th and the 10th were unforgettable. Seriously. My wedding day, 5 year, and 10 year anniversary rank super high on the best days of my life list. This year will mark our 15th anniversary and so you are going to hear me talking about about this milestone A LOT. Even our Christmas card will be paying homage to our 15 year mark.

Before I get too excited about all that lovey dovey stuff, let's time travel to see what our relationship was like at this time 15 years ago.

This photo is from '98. J is being silly with the heart sunglasses and I am sporting my American Eagle overalls because it was the 90's. 

I am in High School. J is in college.

Here is an excerpt from my diary from February 8, 2000. I did leave out names, but other than that it is exactly as I wrote it 15 years ago!

On Friday "J" and "Friend" were as clingy as ever. Everything is cleared up between me and them, but I have to admit I still get very annoyed by them. My mom doesn’t understand why I am bitter, but she doesn’t see the same side of J as I do, but don’t get me wrong I love the guy to death and I would do anything for him.

Here is my translation now that I am a grown woman looking back at my hormonal 17 year old angst. 

Jeremy is  friends with another girl. They flirt and I am extremely jealous. I would never admit that. Not to Jeremy, or my mom, and certainly not to myself. I have feelings for this guy that I claim are  platonic, but the truth is I don't know how to process all these emotions, so apparently I am "bitter". 

Here is another one from just a couple weeks later. February 15, 2000

“Yesterday was absolutely horrible. I had no valentine and was exhausted from working ALL WEEKEND. I got home from school and I just went in my room and cried. Then my mom came in and told me I had a visitor. It was "cute boy". So I tried to pull myself together and went out there, and we talked for a long time. You know what? I know I’ve been acting weird and emotional. I’ve just felt different lately. So I am going to leave out all of the details of my lame teenage life for just a moment. I may get to talking about it all sooner or later, but for now I am just going to write.
Jeremy is sick tonight. He just has the flu, but I feel bad for him. I know I have said a lot of mean things about him, but he is the greatest guy I have ever known (or at least one of). I love him very much in a way that I cannot explain. It’s not romantic love, or brotherly love, or even friendly love, I don’t know what it is, but I care about him a lot and it kills me to see him sick.”

Translation: 

I am so mad because I have no Valentine and I had to work. What could be worse?! Oh the agony!!! Then this cute boy shows up at my doorstep. He really likes me. He said and did all the right things, including giving me sweet little gifts that were inside jokes between the two of us, but I am not mentioning any of that because I have other things on my mind. 
Out of NOWHERE I have decided I am going to stop talking about boys and teenage stuff and start to dissect some of the emotions I am feeling for J who is a long time close friend of mine. At this point I am not ready to admit that I am head over heals in love with him, but I am suddenly falling hard and fast. For now, suffice it to say that I care about him and I want to take care of him. Whatever that means. 

Even though it's embarrassing to share the unfiltered thoughts of my teenage diary, I can barely read that February 15th journal entry without tearing up now. Because in hindsight it's like I can see the exact moment that I fell in love. Even if I claimed it wasn't romantic.

It's crazy to think of how quickly things changed. 15 years ago we were very close, but not quite in love. If someone had told me at the time that we would be married by the end of the year I would have thought they were insane. I would have bet money that I would become a famous actress by the end of the year before I would have believed any kind of marriage nonsense, but I am glad that I was wrong because I'd rather be married to J than be in Hollywood. Yes we were married young and there are definitely obstacles that come along with that, but that's for another post. I'll leave you with my favorite line from "The Fault In Our Stars" and I think it applies to our love story quite nicely. 

And 15 years later I am more in love than I have ever been. 

How To Never Offend Anyone

I feel like I have seen it all when it comes to online links touting things you should never say.

What not to say to a mother of twins

What not to say to a single mom

What not to say to a parent that has adopted

What not to say to a person with an eating disorder

What not to say to a person with an unusual birthmark

The last one I made up, but the rest are real, and I could go on and on.  The more of these taboo comments that I came across, the more I became fearful of hurting someone's feelings. I recently saw one that should have been right up my alley titled 10 Things You Should Not Say to Moms With Multiple Children. 

The picture that goes along with the post is a mom with three children and a grocery cart. Hey, that's me! I go to the grocery store with three children far too often. I like to joke that I am in my 30's, but I can still turn heads. The punch line is that I turn a lot of heads with the way my kids behave when we are out in public. I have had at least 100 strangers tell me that I have my hands full. It's true though. My hands are usually literally carrying things and figuratively juggling things.

"You have your hands full" is just one of the things the article considered "tactless commentary from intrusive strangers". Another statement you are not supposed to say to me or other moms is "lots of helpers" along with "Enjoy these days. They grow up so Fast." And last on the list is “the silent stare”. If you read the article it explains why you should not say/do these things, and I get where the idea comes from because I know it feels redundant when you are on the receiving end. I have even vented about the cliché statements before. 

So I came up with this idea. Instead of having all of these “things you should never say” lists to sift through online. I have decided to just sum it all up into one nice little politically correct paragraph.

 If you find yourself in an environment that is also occupied by a mother with children, or a person with a disability, or someone who has experienced tragedy, or is breathing, then you shouldn't say anything, unless it is from an approved list of one liners preferably customized by each individual that would be receiving the comment. And be especially careful of how you look at said individual. Don’t look for too long to imply staring, or too short to suggest that you don’t enjoy seeing them. In fact I would avoid looking at them at all. Then again that could be the same as ignoring them, which could be considered offensive too. Instead you might want to try not being around people. Ever. 

I'm being sarcastic of course. Hopefully you can see where I am going with this. I understand why lists like this are such a hit. Some of them truly do raise awareness about certain misconceptions. However, more often than not we just want people to know what to say to us because we are insecure, tired, hurt, or fill in the blank. I even considered doing my own list of "What to say when you see a child with a disability" because my daughter is deaf and has cochlear implants. It's kind of hard to miss and I can tell that some people feel awkward around us at times. The problem with my list is that I would encourage people to talk with me openly about their thoughts and curiosities. I love answering questions and educating people on what the cochlear implant is all about! However, I have lots of friends who are parents of deaf children and some of them do not like talking about it. Or sometimes it depends on the day! So there is no list of do's and don'ts because there aren't just "Parents of Deaf Children"-period. It's more complex than that.

Similarly there aren't just pregnant ladies, or women who have had c-sections, or biracial couples, or introverts, or working moms. There are just people! Individual people. 

Sure we all belong to certain groups and stereotypes, but that does not define us. We are way too complicated to be narrowed down to a list of appropriate conversations. We are all people that will offend other people and will be offended by other people. On the bright side we are also diverse people that get to learn from one another. We get to share space and have community together. We engage. We form opinions. We form relationships and even friendships!  

I hate the thought that people would stop interacting out of fear of offending. Sure, there are going to be some jerks out there that say ignorant things, but isn't there a Taylor Swift song about that? Shake it off, right? Because at one point or another, you will be offended. It's happened to me. There are also comments that I just could have done without. For example when I was pregnant with a girl after I already had a boy I would have thought the whole world joined together to celebrate the fact that this meant I was done having children. Which, obviously didn't stop me. Still, at the end of the day, I would rather be annoyed on occasion than disconnected for life.