Thursday, January 23, 2014

That Emotional Time of Year

Just giving you a heads up, this season (the whole big chunk of time between February and May) can be a little emotional for me. I am certain it won't always be like this, but as I get ready for SJ's 4th birthday it brings up a lot of memories from the last two years. SJ was not diagnosed with hearing loss on her 2nd birthday, but it was at her 2 year well child visit that they referred us to an ENT to have her hearing checked and it progressed from there. So I will probably be writing about some of my feelings here on my blog. I worry that hashing through all of this all over again may not be the most popular topic on the internet. The bad news is I don't make a dime off of this blog, the good news is I guess that means I can write about whatever I want. Journals, essays, and poetry are how I work through things. I've used this approach to cope with life's struggles from as early as I could make any sense with a pencil. I would write to express myself. It hasn't changed in 25 years except I type now.

SJ was officially diagnosed with profound hearing loss exactly 2 months after her birthday,


This was taken at the Doctor's office the day she was diagnosed. 

 but if you round down we had two years of not knowing she was deaf and now it's about two years that we have known. So if you look at it that way we are coming up on a major milestone. I'm becoming more acquainted with the life of a special needs mom, and less familiar with life as I knew it before. I remember being shocked to know that SJ was deaf. I was confused and overwhelmed about the language, the surgeries, the IEPs, and everything else that it has taken me two years to almost have the hang of. I am so grateful to have some of the most challenging decisions behind us, but as I approach this significant date it comes with some reluctance. There is still a little part of that shock that resurfaces, the part that says "did that really happen?"
Most days I don't think about any of this, at all. So what if my daughter has a magnet inside her head and her "ears" have flashing lights on them, whatever.



 I have become totally comfortable with all of this, but the thing that I long for is having her caught up developmentally. They estimate that she will be at the deaf school and continuing special therapy until 2nd grade. So about 4 more years. No one can predict for sure what tomorrow will hold. I should know that by now, but either way I can't waste the next 4 years wanting them to be over! So I have learned to have our own mold as a family. We communicate a little differently than other families and our lifestyle and schedule looks different than what I ever imagined, but that doesn't mean we can't embrace it. It's like being engaged. Sure, you would like to be married, that's why you are engaged, but being engaged is such a celebratory season of it's own. There are the parties, showers, photos, saying yes to the dress, and special time with loved ones. I wasn't engaged for very long. Less than 3 months actually. Maybe that's why I have such a hard time with this analogy. Seriously though, we have some major breakthroughs on the horizon and a lot to look forward to. How much crying that entails is hard to say, but there will be lots of smiling too.

2 comments:

Jen Price said...

You should totally feel free to process in your space! I pray it's a healing thing for you.

{amy} said...

I can understand the emotions that come at this time of year. And I also understand the shock that tends to resurface. Life-changing events can do that to you!