Change of Plans

Yesterday I introduced you to my husband "J" and today I was going have a little bio about my son "Z". Well, there has been a change of plans. I am still going to talk about Z, but a different one.

This morning it was brought to my attention that 18 years ago on this day my little brother went to be with Jesus. His name was Zebulun, but we called him Zeb. I have shared some of his story when I talked about my childhood. I described us as a duo, because one of Zeb's favorite movies was "An American Tale" and we loved the song called "Duo". I still remember the words...

"we're a duo, a duo,
a pair of lonely ones who were meant to be a two.
Oh, a duo, it's true-o,
if we're ever in a stoop, we know we can make it through,
cause you've got me and I've got you!"


I do miss him, and sometimes when I meet a young man around the age he would be now, I wonder what Zeb would be like all grown up, but I have grieved and coped with this loss throughout the years and I feel at peace. I will have to admit though, becoming a mom a year and a half ago, brings me to a new place of healing and trusting. When you have a child you form an indescribable bond and the thought of loosing them is like a sack of bricks hitting you in the pit of your stomach. I have gained a new found understanding of what my parents went through and how it's only by the grace of God that they could go on. I see now how the Lord has sustained them and carried them over the past 18 years.

In Z's room we have a little wooden truck, which Zeb had painted during some of his time at the hospital. I look forward to someday telling Z about the sweet little boy that painted that truck and share with him about all the fun times we had.

We were a duo.