Like most parents I fear that
I fall short with my children. I worry that I don’t have what it takes as a
mom and that I could possibly ruin my one shot at this child rearing thing. It’s
not a constant thought, but it’s this lingering insecurity. I used to love to
listen to a pastor named Miles Welch, who had a podcast for college students. I
was way too married and grown up for the topics be applicable to me,
but I tuned in anyway and I am glad I did. One day I was sweeping the kitchen
while casually listening to the Q&A session on the podcast* when there was a question from a
young man asking how he could forgive his dad who was responsible for breaking
up the family with a divorce. What Miles had to say in response pretty much
jumped out of iTunes and punched me in the gut (in a good way).
He said
“You know, that is a hard
question. At some point I was really disgruntled by my parents. I had to learn
to accept them for who they were - limited and faulted. You can’t put too much
hope in humanity, we are flawed, fallen people. Now there’s hope in Christ, but
we shouldn’t have an idealistic view of humanity. We place too much hope in
what a person can be. I used to be really angry that my parents left a mark on
my soul. Now that I am a parent I know that every parent leaves a mark on a
soul. I am going to for my daughter and I don’t know how to stop it. I feel
like I can protect my child from Hollywood. I can protect my child from crazy
teachers, and soccer coaches. I can protect my child from anybody but me,
because I will leave a mark, and I am a broken person, and as hard as I try I
will fail her and she will have to learn to forgive me. She was wired to have a perfect father, and she has me instead."
I almost dropped my broom in
the kitchen when I heard that and it’s stuck with me for all these years. My
children are wired for a perfect father and I can’t meet that need and I am not
supposed to be expected to. It was in that moment that the weight of the world
fell off of my shoulders and Christ set me free from that guilt and insecurity. I was
wanting to be God to my children. Now don’t get me wrong I want to show Christ
to them every moment that I breathe 24/7, but the fact of the matter is I mess up
time and time again. And since learning
more about being a Teachable Parent I can see how it is helpful for my kids to
see my weakness. As mentioned in the book Wild Things to see me grappling with reality. That way some day they can see that even
though I often struggled as a mother and wife, God’s grace was/is sufficient for
me. Maybe they will learn that God is who they need to ultimately fulfill them
not a parent, friend, or spouse. I pray that it teaches them about forgiveness and that God’s grace is
there for them as well.
* Miles Welch, 12 Stone podcast- Marriage and Divorce episode #76 June 28, 2011
This is Day 6 or a 31 day series. For the rest of Teachable Parenting posts click HERE.
Also linked up with Blessed But Stressed for Inspire Me Mondays.
6 comments:
Wow, good word. Impacting. I'm 55 with grown kids but it helped me too.N.L.W.
My daughter is in seminary, studying to be a pastor. I like to think my imperfections helped her as much as my "perfections". This is an awesome post - grateful to have found it!
Thank you for this. I needed to hear these words. I am 23. I am not a mom, but a daughter and I have been struggling with my issues with my mom, the same issues that boy had been struggling with his father. I am resentful towards my mom for mistakes she made in her life, mistakes that caused emotional harm to my brother and me. Even after 10 years, I am having a hard time forgiving her. Some days I feel like I will never be able to get over it, which will cause me even more pain in my life.
But those words were very insightful. We are not perfect and our parents will always leave a mark on us. We must accept them for who they are, even their shortcomings.
Wow! I needed to hear that today! I have two beautiful young adult daughters, and one of them is really struggling right now and I probably spend too much time beating myself up of my faults as a parent. I need to ask for forgiveness for my mistakes and remind her that her heavenly Father is the only perfect parent (certainly not her earthly mother ;) ).
That radio quote...wow. Just posted that (with link) on facebook. Worth sharing.
I think there is not one single mother out there who does not need to read this! It would be fabulous if we all could be perfect parents, but we weren't/aren't/won't be. And maybe, if we were, we wouldn't be teaching our kids how to accept themselves either. Thank you for these beautiful and impactful thoughts!
Post a Comment