My 5 year old dresses like a white cholo. For those that are unfamiliar with the term Cholo, the Urban Dictionary describes it in part as a Hispanic male that typically wheres a flannel shirt unbuttoned except for the very top button. This is how Z dresses every day.
Don't worry it's not gang related. It makes him feel like he is wearing a cape. Every once in a while I can talk him out of it, but lately every day he asks to wear one of his capes. He is about as boy as a boy can be.
The book is called Wild Things- The Art of Nurturing Boys. I had three brothers and was the only girl in my family, but I still could definitely use some guidance in this area.
I checked online to see if they had the book at my library and they did not have it at our specific branch, but I could order it. The next day while at the library I told them I had put a book on hold, but it was coming from another library and I wasn't sure how to order it. The librarian looked up my card number and informed me that the book had already been delivered and was on the shelf waiting for me. I went to look and sure enough there it was labeled with a slip of paper that had my name on it. I couldn't believe it. The night before I had just clicked a button requesting the book and it was pulled off the shelf, put on a truck, driven to my library within 24 hours just for me, and it didn't cost a thing. God bless America!
This is my first book club and it all starts tomorrow. Hopefully I'll learn a thing or two about how to raise up strong godly men without going loco on my ese.
It was one of those mornings. Again. SJ did not want to put clothes on and naked students are frowned upon at her school. I couldn't find any quick grab breakfast items so the kids had to share a granola bar to which Z insisted on picking out the parts he didn't like. It took at least 5 trips from the house to the car before I had everyone and everything packed up and ready to go.
While we were in the car I realized SJ's headband was not clipped to her hair. She wears headbands to keep her cochlear implants on and if they aren't clipped it slides off pretty easily.
No I did not take a picture in the middle of the craziness, this is from another day. Oh dear. Where is a barrette? Please tell me there is a barrette in this car! I shouted out loud. When I became a mom I stopped talking to myself and started sputtering words to my kids. It's the same thing really.
I did in fact find a barrette and we were on our way! I don't love driving 45 minutes to school everyday, but it gives me a chance to sit down and stay put, and the kids are forced to do the same, so that part is nice.
"Mom," Z said, "You have the best looking eyes."
Wow. I thought I didn't hear him right so I asked what he said, and he repeated himself. It's almost like he had read my thoughts, or my blog post from yesterday, about how women want to feel beautiful. I was reminded of the time he told me I smelled like a princess. My love language is words of affirmation and this boy knows how to speak my language. I told him Thank you and that it was a very sweet compliment that meant a lot to me. Then Z said "sometimes I have the best looking eyes, but today it was you." I was a little confused by what he meant, but I am glad he likes his eyes. He continued on "Because you were the one that found SJ's hair barrette! Good job, mom."
I think I could have laughed the rest of the way to school. I have the best LOOKING eyes, because my eyes are so good at looking and finding things. Of course.
So it's a big old viral deal this "Dove Real Beauty Sketches" thing.
The video was released a week ago and now there is link flying around the internet as a response (or better yet, a rebuke) to the Dove campaign. There are several actually, but Jazzy Little Drops Tumblr is the one I saw posted by my friends on Facebook. With as much as I was not that passionate about the Dove video, for whatever reason I was passionate to defend it. I think the reason I feel this way is because Dove is TRYING, they may not be perfect and have the exact amount of diversity per second, and maybe they need a better representation of the plus size market, but they are working towards changing the way women think about themselves. Those that responded negatively to the video were also trying to take a stand for real beauty and I applaud that as well. What surprises me though is that there are hundreds or thousands of brands that want to suck every last bit of confidence out of you so that you are at their mercy in your quest to find the pot of good looks at the end of the rainbow. Dove is actually doing the opposite. They are saying YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL the way you are naturally, and don't be a slave to all the negativity. I understand the thing about inner beauty, but Dove makes products for our body. We might use moisturizer because it makes our skin supple, or deodorant because we don't want to smell like a steamy swine. The thing that gets me about these Dove complaints is that some people want to act like external beauty doesn't even have a place and that is what I want to talk about.
This was one part of the Jaz's tumblr that caught me off guard.
"Because the message that we constantly receive is that girls are not valuable without beauty. Brave, strong, smart? Not enough. You have to be beautiful. And “beautiful” means something very specific, and very physical."
I agree. We live in a glutenous lustful world that puts way too much emphasis on appearance. Way, way, way too much. But let's face it, we all have an appearance and it is healthy and natural for a girl to want to feel valued through that as well. I'm not talking about the unrealistic over sexualized box that the culture says beauty is. But women want to be beautiful inside and out and I think that's okay. No woman EVER wants to hear "you are not physically beautiful, but don't worry because you are still smart and you are very valuable in other ways" BEEEEEP wrong answer. To tell a girl she is brave, strong, and smart is not enough. We shouldn't expect it to be. What I fear when I see concepts like this going viral is a big pendulum swinging a little too far. I am the first one to stand on a soap box when it comes to the problem with poor self image in our society and how we know that man looks at that stuff, but God looks at the heart. What I also know is that God placed physical beauty among us for enjoyment. It's tangible, it's real, and it's nothing to be afraid of. Staci Elderedge says in her book Captivating"Nature is not primarily functional. It is primarily beautiful. Which is to say, beauty is in and of itself a great and glorious good.”Our culture has wanted to emasculate men for generations, I am not about to relinquish femininity just because it's been distorted. Someday my body will corrode and turn to dust, but for now my skin is soft and my hands are so delicate,
My mom's smile is attractive and radiant.
My daughter is gorgeous with big brown eyes that tell beautiful stories.
What would this be without inner beauty? Nothing, but I get why Dove would think it's not such a bad idea to enjoy these outer qualities that God gives to us.
Both sides of this "controversy" have a point, but I thought the video for the most part did a good job focusing on "natural beauty" and being open, or cheerful versus an unhealthy bitterness. Let's face it, you could have women look and dress exactly alike, but their personality and view of themselves make them look more or less attractive. Part of the problem everyone had with the video was that they were labeling. The way I saw it was that the "ugly" drawings aren't literally saying "See, this is you as an UGLY woman" they are just drawings of a woman that isn't flourishing. Let's flourish for crying out loud. Sorry for the ramble, but this a very important topic to me and I am always ripping into marketing campaigns on a regular basis, but this is the one time I am going to side with the beauty product ad. I guess you could call me the "dove-ils" advocate.
A lot of people ask if we still sign. We do. SJ isn't actively learning anymore at this time since it takes absolutely everything we've got to get her caught up orally now that she has the cochlear implant. However SJ knows 50+ signs and some of them, like "potty" and "sorry"are absolutely critical in our house. She also knows "where" and "hearing aid". The sign for cochlear implant is actually different than hearing aid, but it's what she knows from when she had hearing aids so we go with it. There have been times where she took off her CI's and we just sign "where are your hearing aids". She can request her processor using this sign too which was an exciting milestone. Even as I write this I have to pause and use the signs "share" or "clean up" (go figure). This video shows 10 more signs that we use on a regular basis. SJ is, as always, the star of the show, but you can hear the brothers in the background. Hopefully they are not too loud.
From the moment I started a blog many people have assumed I have an online diary where I divulge every juicy, or more likely boring detail of my life. Those people are mistaken. There is so much that I don't talk about. I just recently started (in tiny increments at a time) watching Call the Midwife. It's a historical drama based off of Jennifer Worth's Memoirs from her time studying and practicing midwifery in the slums of East England. She has some pretty incredible stories. I've got the book on hold at the library. I would love to write memoirs someday. I'll tell stories of living in a fog. It will be riveting, heartbreaking, and heartwarming. There will be a nail biting climax and I will testify about how I stepped out onto nothing and God allowed my dreams to materialize beneath me. I hope to share that. For now I am just searching the barren cupboards of my soul for some mustard seed belief.
I hate to sound so glum. The truth is I could change every word in the previous paragraph to "blessed" and it still wouldn't be enough to tell of just how blessed and fortunate I am. For those that don't know here is a really brief, not even cliff notes worthy, glimpse of my story. We lived in Texas. We had jobs, we had a house, we even had chickens. We left all of that to be near my family and see what the Lord had for us in Northern Kentucky. Within months after moving in with my parents we found out that we were pregnant and that our 2 year old daughter, SJ, was deaf. Since then we have moved in with my brother and his wife so that we could get SJ into a good school that is about 30 miles from where they live.
The other day we were having a conversation with Z about people in need and I explained that there are some people that don't have homes and he responded "Like us?" Hearing your 5 year old describe himself as homeless can kind of knock the wind out of you. We may not own or rent a home, but we definitely have a roof over our heads (a nice one). There are so many people that can't say that. There are plenty of people that are unemployed that don't have loved ones to take them in.
That being said, it's time to find a place. I humbly ask that you would join us in prayer. This is the biggest spiritual mountain I've ever had to see moved in my lifetime. My husband needs a job desperately! He's been able to do temp work here and there. Between the odd jobs, savings, and even help from things I am too proud to mention medicaid and food stamps we've been able to get by, but it's been a year and half now and we are ready for some stability. Until we can move to Ohio we have to privately pay for SJ's school, not to mention the hundreds of dollars of gas we put in our car each month just to get her there. Z starts school in the fall so our goal is to be moved by then. Finding a job that can sustain a family of 5 and a place to live in 3 months is not looking too realistic.
I don't like talk about that aspect of our lives. I wouldn't mind if it was a part of my memoirs and I could tell you how it all turned out, but as far as the present tense, it just makes me uncomfortable. However, I felt compelled to open up and I do appreciate the prayers. When the storm has passed and the battle is won we'll look back and see how far we've come
An instagram photo from a week ago when we went hiking
A couple weeks ago SJ had a post op appointment and she is healing really well. The Doctor's words to us were “now for the hard part”. What he meant was that the surgery takes a day to complete and the healing time isn’t very long either, but it’s the years of work that go into teaching a child how to use the implant to hear and to speak that makes it mean anything. It’s a long journey, and I am trying to pace myself.
SJ is about to be 5 months in terms of her hearing age. Her first therapist drilled that idea into my head before we got the implant “hearing age, hearing age, hearing age”. So many parents get discouraged if they don’t have realistic expectations. I can now see how easily that could happen. When I feel like she should be able to talk or understand more I remind myself of her hearing age. One easy way to think about it is by comparing her to baby Ezie. He was born almost two months before SJ was activated. A little side note, you start hearing In Utero and the neural pathways begin forming before you are even born so he has that much more of a lead just from the work he did listening in the womb! That puts Ezie and SJ neck and neck when it comes to hearing and speech. Granted SJ has tons more cognitive experience and abilities that will allow her to learn faster than Ezie, but they are going to start learning language at approximately the same time.
This makes our family dynamics interesting. Even though I have 3 kids that are all 2.5 years apart I’ve been listening to ONE kid talk our ears off for the past 4 years. He more than makes up for the lack of communication from the other two. Believe me, Z is a talker! It will be interesting to go from one talker to three next year. On top of that I have a 3 year old and a 6 month old that jabber to each other with grunts and basically “oohs and ahs” It’s hard to tell their voices apart.
People get them mixed up all the time when I'm on the phone or the kids are in another room. I took this video that gives a little glimpse of what I am talking about. SJ is the squeaky high pitched (that’s her way of singing) and the other squawker is Ezie. These are just some of the sounds they make.
It’s like their ears are twins. It’s a little heartbreaking in a way. I watch Ezie take in the world around him. He turns to sounds, he bangs on things, and blows bubbles with his mouth. We are all giving him an earful to listen to and he is taking it all in without even knowing how it’s stimulating his brain. He will learn our language naturally and effortlessly. For SJ she has to go to school full time and have daily therapy sessions. We have spent the past 4 months just getting her to detect sound and she has taken off with this skill and is doing great. But you can see how much work it is. I know God will be glorified through this and he has a plan for SJ. I look forward to seeing it play out.
You are so strong. I just don’t know how you do it.
I have a hard time and I am not dealing with even half of what you are.
I understand why they say it and I appreciate the encouragement. What I want to say though, is that I am not really that strong. I definitely have to fight harder and work more purposefully at parenting than I ever have, but being a mom is hard no matter what. I remember being a “typical mom”. It wasn’t that long ago that I was screaming at my two "normal" kids, crying to my husband, and praying for God to have mercy on me. What I am trying to say is that I feel like I’ve been on both sides of the fence now and would like to announce that the grass is the same color. Motherhood is beautiful and rewarding, but it can be CA-RAZY! Maybe you feel guilty for feeling exhausted when someone else has it worse, but there is always someone worse off than you. Believe me I know. I’ve met them and I’ve been them. I don't care if you have boys, girls, one child or ten. Chaos is chaos. Thank you to everyone that thinks I am supermom, but don't short change yourself either.
I’ve had 3 babies without any medication. It’s not the most excruciating circumstance I’ve gone through, but to avoid going into to details about having Montezuma's revenge in Mexico and literally thinking I was on a sweaty death bed, let’s stick with the child birth analogy. So I’ve had a baby and I know child birth is painful, however when I stub my toe I say ouch (or whatever). I may jump up and down and grab my foot, or bite my lip, and then I move on. I do not however start to say ouch and interrupt myself by saying “PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER WOMAN, you’ve had a baby. This is nothing.” Some pain is worse than others, but that doesn't mean it's not pain.I’ve written about this before. See my post about when I accidentally killed my baby chick.
I am preaching to myself here because even with all we've been through this past year I have heard some stories that make mine look like a cake walk and I am inclined to scold myself for ever even feeling tired or sad. I am now giving myself permission to stop and I am giving you permission to stop too. Go ahead and feel sorry for yourself. Not too much, but enough to cry, or just admit that it’s hard and ask for help when you need to. It’s dang hard sometimes. In fact in some aspects I have it easier now than I did before because I have an excuse. There are many layers to a story, but without getting too analytical chaos is chaos, pain is pain, and we all get weary sometimes.
My husband and I have been on an Everybody Loves Raymond kick lately. Did you know the show premiered in 1996? I didn’t relate much to the show when it first aired, but now I totally get it, and it is hilarious. It’s also fun to see how much has changed in the past 17 years. They talk about things like car phones and the daunting task of balancing a check book. Sometimes I think about what I will say when my children or grandchildren ask me how we managed without GPS, the internet, cell phones, and digital cameras. And to that I will answer “I don’t remember”.
Remember when you had to make sure you caught the 6:00 news or check the local paper to know the weather report? Me neither. Back then all you needed to know was in winter it's cold, in summer it's hot, and dark clouds mean rain. These days they are getting better and better about predicting the weather down to the hour. I check the weather on my phone at least once a day. I don’t know why I bother I still end up wishing I had a different pair of shoes or a jacket. I admit, I’ve got entitlement issues when it comes to the weather. Even with as good as we’ve got it some people still throw a fit if the forecast gets it wrong. “The weather man said it was only 30 percent precipitation today. What a crock! It’s been raining all day. I am wet. Unbelievable!”
I feel bad for the weather channel. It’s got to be hard for them to keep up with the trends. With most of us being able to have the forecast at our fingertips it is no longer the coveted cable network that it was in the 90’s. When it first came out 30 years ago the concept was brilliant. You can check the weather anytime of day. I’ve got to hand it to them for trying to stay relevant though. Now they’ve got a website, an app, and all kinds of stuff. One day I went to check the weather on The Weather Channel website and I thought maybe I typed in the wrong domain. There was a sports illustrated swimsuit model wearing nothing but an unzipped parka and I was like what the hey-diddle-diddle is this all about? Turns out it was an article about how little miss bikini (or lack thereof) got frost bite while doing a photo shoot. Well, I guess that’s weather related if anything is.On top of that I’ve noticed they’ve worked hard to fit in with the social network trends too. You know how you can like things on Facebook or Instagram? Well now you can like the weather too! Not just like it out loud, but make it online official.
That’s right, there is a button for “love” or “ugh”. I would hate to have to check the weather without being able to express my emotional opinion on a virtual level. You've probably detected my overload of sarcasm, but really, I am grateful for all the advancements in meteorology weather or not I can count on it. Heh, heh. This post is linked up with Miscellany Monday at Lowercase Letters!
Today was like any other as we rushed out the door and I felt a sense of relief, perhaps even a bit of arrogance that despite the morning obstacles we had made it to school on time! But where were all the cars? There were some cars, but not nearly enough. Oh No, I thought. Today was teachers in service day and I hadn't realized it. I woke up early and drove 45 minutes for no reason at all.
We came to McDonald's because I couldn't stomach the idea of turning around and heading home having accomplished nothing.
So here I am at McDonald's where I can barely think because it's so loud.
Here I am at McDonald's watching my kids at the peak of happiness.
Here I am knowing my computer's battery will be dead in about 15 minutes and then what?
Here I am listening to a guy tell me about a murderer from Texas who was a normal kid until he got a cochlear implant at 8 years old and that's when he began the desire to kill people. I thought I had heard it all. I will google that story next.
Here I am nervous about participating in 5 minute Friday for the first time because I am not very comfortable writing with a time limit.
But most importantly I am here having just said goodbye to a kind lady with children close to my kid's age. I listen to her story and she listened to mine. We shared contact information and she gave me some leads on apartments, schools, and job opportunities in the area which she scribbled onto a piece of notebook paper for me. We even hugged.
Maybe I was supposed to be here.
This post is a part of 5 minute Friday where everyone writes about the same topic for 5 minutes. Today's prompt was "here".
When Z was in Pre-K I went to pick him up one day and instead of bringing him to the door the teacher invited me into the class. She told me there was something I had to see. As followed her to the back of the room wondering what he had gotten into, she said "He built New York city!" Sure enough, there it was, a preschool size replica of the clustered city that never sleeps.
I was impressed, but I wasn't too surprised. Anyone who has spent much time with Z has probably either heard about his love for New York, or seen one of his drawings/creations.
The Statue of Liberty
One time he told me he wishes he lived in New York so that he could look at the statue all day. I don't know where this interest comes from other than the fact that the Madagascar animals are from there, along with many super heroes.
My mom, who loves to travel (and does so for free thanks to working for Delta) has been trying to convince me for some time now to let her take Z to NYC. I told her that he was too young. It's so big, so far, so expensive. I want him to really appreciate the magnitude of an experience like that. But the more Z talked about it and the older he got, I started warming up to the idea. This is the last big chance he has before he starts school and the best time to fly stand by is off season days (when most people are in school or working). Plus he has matured a lot in the past year. I know he is not going to run off in Central Park or have a temper tantrum in time square.
So J and I talked about it and decided to give my mom the green light. Z has no idea that less than a week from now he will be flying to The Big Apple with his Me'me' and Pe'pe'! We aren't going to tell him until the last minute either. It's going to be kind of like this adorable video of the girl who was going to Disney World.
Even though I can't go with him I have been over the moon with excitement on his behalf. There is nothing like watching your child's dreams come true, even if they might be too young to understand how lucky they are. This week as part of our homeschooling we went to the library and checked out some materials on New York City. After a week of exploring what the city is all about he is going to be surprised with a ticket to see it for himself. I feel like his early interest in The United States and New York City is instilling in him a sense of patriotism. What better way to foster an appreciation for the land of the free than going to one of our Nation's most important historic cities? If he gets there and his biggest concern is Nintendo World, that's fine too.
I cannot believe both our teams made it to the final game of the NCAA championship. J has always been a Michigan fan and we love Louisville, so as a first time March Madness bracket participant those are the teams I picked (with Louisville winning in the end). Yesterday was the final four games so my two youngest wore these shirts and showed their team spirit at the park.
I got a lot of cute pictures of them together, but now that Michigan and Louisville both made it to the National Championship this picture is priceless!
A couple years agoI mentioned Z was obsessed with maps and geography. Well, the fascination has only grown since then. This year he has tackled memorizing and being able to recognize all 50 states.The memory cues that he uses to get them "stuck in his head", as he calls it, are pure genius. Of course this is coming from his mom who is bias, and thinks knows each of her children are brilliant. I make no apologies.
There are a few states he knows just from traveling, but most of them he has had to learn about for the first time and here are some of the ways he has memorized them.
“Alabama, Arkansas I do love my ma and pa” is froma song he knows.
Then there is the state that sneezes "Mass A CHOO settes".
My personal favorite line "CAN WE FIX IT? Yes We Kansas!".
"Indiana Jones" (the Lego wii game, he doesn’t even know about the movie).
Or there is one that is a line from Toy Story when Ham says to Mr. Potato Head “way to go Idaho”
and the list goes on.
Then there are the shapes.
To me Louisiana is a boot, Michigan is a mitten, New Jersey Peanut. I think those are givens, but there are some states that I don’t even know how he comes up with the images for like
Arkansas- tea cup
Minnesota- a pillow with a bite taken out of it
North Carolina- diamond
Nevada- kite
and of course many states that look like guns, knives, and dogs. He is a boy.
This video was shot while showing Z a picture of a map and pointing to each one. He can identify any state, in any order, on any US map. I hope you enjoy his enthusiasm in this video as he channels in his super powers to oblige his mother in the making of this movie.
We had a nice, but low key Easter this year. The kids did an egg hunt at the church the weekend before and they each got a chocolate bunny from my parents which were part of a part of a fundraiser for SJ's school, and that was it as far as festivities go. I wore the same dress I wore last year only I wasn't 3 months pregnant this time.
You can't really tell in this photo other than my hands and Z's foot holding her back, but SJ was acting like a wild child. I told my brother (the one taking the picture) that trying to get a family photo immediately after service is like shaking up a soda and then attempting to drink it right away. I don't know why they are so crazy after church, but between the dozens that he took we somehow managed to got a decent shot. Next time I think I will just hire a 3 year old female stunt double.
The previous week we had celebrated Palm Sunday in a way I will never forget. Our pastor lined up a beautiful service of worship through the arts, and not to brag, but I have such an artistic family that many of them were involved.
My brother Jeremy did an extraordinary painting live throughout the morning. It breaks down the crucifixion story into 14 different segments (the traditional stations of the cross)
and my brother painted each of them in an hour and a half.
At the end our pastor had him explain the piece and Jeremy laid it all out according to what time of day everything happened and he made it all very personal. He was crying. I was crying. There were a few hundred people crying and worshiping together in church that morning remembering what Christ did for us. It was inspiring. On top of that Jeremy's wife (my sister in law) did a beautiful dance with some of her friends. I had never seen her dance before so that was really neat experience too.
I'm blessed be a part of such a talented family and even more so to serve a awesome, majestic, powerful, creative, loving, and LIVING God!
Hello April and hello to having a 6 month old! He's already half way through his first year. Ezie is all over the place developmentally. On one hand he's ahead of his peers by having the physical attributes of some one year olds.
Everyone says E looks like his dad.
He's 18 1/2 pounds and just over 26 inches.
First Easter
He wears some 6-9 months clothes and I find myself putting him in 12 month clothes more and more often. He also has 8 teeth now! Yes, eight teeth at 5 months old. I never even knew that could happen. He had the bottom 2 at 3 months and then nothing for a long time until we noticed all of the top front 4 looked like they were about to come in. I was so busy looking at the top I hadn't even notice that there were two more that had already shot up on the bottom. In about 10 days he cut 6 teeth.
Ties are for chewing!
He's such a trooper about it too. The way these teeth are taking over he'll probably be opening aluminum cans with them when he's two. I am kidding, but he is a bruiser for sure!
UT shirts from their Uncle.
It's quite deceptive actually. Here I have this hearty boy that looks like he can hold his own, when really he can't even hold his own pacifier with too much coordination.
SJ giving the baby a bath.
He doesn't scoot, sit up, or roll over. He's a very observant, interactive, and content little guy though.
I haven't gotten a picture where you can see his teeth, but they are all broken through.
As far as being concerned about developmental delays he doesn't show any warning signs like being floppy or stiff. In fact Z was the same way. He never really rolled over. He mostly just laid there until he started crawling. I think it's harder for the big fat babies to get around. I know how technical and savvy I must sound right now, but I am a mother of three so that must give me some credit.
I think I wear him more than I did my other two.
That's 6 month old baby E in a nutshell, a carefree gentle giant.
The sun did come out at the end of Spring Break.
I still haven't given him any solids nor has he slept through the night other than one time for 7 hours. I guess with that mouthful of teeth he's ready chomp into some food pretty soon here and hopeful the sleep will follow. HOPEFULLY.
This is just a joke. My mom laughed when she saw this pic on my phone. That's E's first time swinging!
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