For years I have tried to ignore this. I don't want to be judgmental or legalistic. I was hoping that eventually I would just get used to it. Surely once we see enough boobs we'll all be desensitized and we won't even notice them anymore.
Being as open and objective as I possibly can, I tried to compare cleavage to going sleeveless.
Not that long ago showing your shoulders used to be scandalous. My mother in law told me about a time her daughters were scheduled to sing a gospel song at church, but one of them had a sleeveless dress and so it was considered inappropriate for them to be on the platform and they were turned away. Pants used to be immodest as well and there are still plenty of cultures and religions where some of these practices are still in place, but it's certainly not the norm.
Not that long ago showing your shoulders used to be scandalous. My mother in law told me about a time her daughters were scheduled to sing a gospel song at church, but one of them had a sleeveless dress and so it was considered inappropriate for them to be on the platform and they were turned away. Pants used to be immodest as well and there are still plenty of cultures and religions where some of these practices are still in place, but it's certainly not the norm.
So maybe that's how it is with cleavage now. It's something that used to be a big deal, but now it's not. There are modest ways to expose your breasts and I just need to embrace change.
Except I don't buy that. To me it's still a big deal. Keep in mind this is my personal conviction and opinion as a christian woman.
I have decided that breasts are not the same as shoulders.
People don't get shoulder implants. There aren't restaurants named after women's shoulders (ahem Hooters). Women don't sustain a newborn life with their shoulders. Children and men have shoulders, but they do not have mammary glands. I know those are weird examples, but what I am trying to get at is that breasts are still sacred in my book. It's not just the nipples, I'm talking about the whole organ. Medicalook explains "The glands are associated with the female reproductive system in part due to their assistance in attracting a mate as well as their role in nourishing a baby." In other words from a scientific standpoint female breast are not sexual organs, but they are largely associated with sexuality because they are in some ways part of reproduction. No matter how much we try to normalize it breasts are sexual and cleavage is provocative.
I have decided that breasts are not the same as shoulders.
People don't get shoulder implants. There aren't restaurants named after women's shoulders (ahem Hooters). Women don't sustain a newborn life with their shoulders. Children and men have shoulders, but they do not have mammary glands. I know those are weird examples, but what I am trying to get at is that breasts are still sacred in my book. It's not just the nipples, I'm talking about the whole organ. Medicalook explains "The glands are associated with the female reproductive system in part due to their assistance in attracting a mate as well as their role in nourishing a baby." In other words from a scientific standpoint female breast are not sexual organs, but they are largely associated with sexuality because they are in some ways part of reproduction. No matter how much we try to normalize it breasts are sexual and cleavage is provocative.
There are so many different lines that can be drawn when it comes to cleavage and it's not a one size fits all issue (literally). My well endowed friends know what I'm talking about. This isn't about shaming women for having curves. It's about loving our curves enough to have some dignity.
I wear what I feel comfortable wearing. I went through a season where I beat myself up about the issue of modesty. Everyday I would obsess about every detail of my jeans, shirt, or dress and whether or not it could be something that would be a trigger for a man. This was bondage I had because of my past which I have thankfully been delivered from. I still want to dress modestly, but I feel like it's a who I am as a transformed and renewed daughter of the King not because of a modesty checklist. That's another topic entirely, but I just want to be clear that this isn't me looking down on other women because of how they dress. It's simply the stance I take for myself and the message I want to send to my daughter.
I wear what I feel comfortable wearing. I went through a season where I beat myself up about the issue of modesty. Everyday I would obsess about every detail of my jeans, shirt, or dress and whether or not it could be something that would be a trigger for a man. This was bondage I had because of my past which I have thankfully been delivered from. I still want to dress modestly, but I feel like it's a who I am as a transformed and renewed daughter of the King not because of a modesty checklist. That's another topic entirely, but I just want to be clear that this isn't me looking down on other women because of how they dress. It's simply the stance I take for myself and the message I want to send to my daughter.
I am not ready to just accept that breast are the new shoulders. It's such a lovely, complicated, mysterious part of the body and I don't want to exploit that. I want my daughter to know that unlike what you see on TV you can be beautiful, elegant, and feminine without having your breast on display. That's where I stand.
10 comments:
NOW this is what should go VIRAL. Sharing it with every social media I'm on. GREAT POST. And, have you noticed how cleavage is making its way into the church? HELLO....this ain't right folks.
Bravo! Breasts are NOT the new shoulder--but fashion is cyclical. Back in the day (think 1700s and early 1800s), ankles were kept covered and breasts almost completely exposed (think Kiera Knightly in the Pirate of the Caribbean movies). Ten years ago, women exposed their butt cleavage. Shopping for modest clothes is difficult, no matter what the time period. But I think women often forget that keep their 'mysteries' mysterious is a whole lot sexier than exposing half the mystery.
I'll stand there with you. Breasts and shoulders are definitely not the same!!
Amen, sista!
Thanks for setting such a great example for your daughter. I want to set that same example for those girls in my life too. Breasts and shoulders are in no way the same!
I work in the public. I think you've heard me say by the end of the summer "I've seen just about all the breasts I can stand for one season". It is out of control! Good word!
Wise Words. Common sense. I agree completely.
Thanks for affirming the simple truth.
I love what you said here, "It's about loving our curves enough to have some dignity." For me, modesty is not so much to save men from having impure thoughts or the like, it's about showing respect to my Heavenly Father, and to myself.
Really enjoyed this, thanks so much!
This is why I love you so! No, they are NOT the new shoulders - not even close! I cannot stand all the shirts that require layers of tanks under, or the inappropriate woman all around while I have to explain to my two young and impressionable girls that no, we are NOT at the beach! Shame on retailers and buyers!!!!
Well said! They are definitely not the same! I had a situation like the one your mother-in-law told you. It was probably 18 or 19 years ago, and I was going to sing at church in a very modest high-necked sundress with way more than your regular tank top straps. I was asked if I had a shawl that I could wear to cover my shoulders. I didn't have one and was allowed to sing, but I felt very shamed (like, I cried in the restroom before church) and didn't wear that dress to sing again.
This is great Natalie, I am so happy to be delivered from bondage to legalism, but that doesn't mean anything goes. We can show the love of Jesus to a woman who is exposing herself, but it doesn't mean that we have to embrace that look.
I am praying for churches everywhere that they can find the balance between loving people, and being careless about holiness.They don't have to go together.
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