Embracing Your Child's Mistakes

I pray you’ll get caught doing things wrong—before they get too big

I pray you’ll fail—in things that don’t matter

I pray you’ll have to say you’re sorry—and get really good at it, so that when the time’s right, you can always find the courage to say the words

I pray you’ll cry, really hard—so you feel free to express both tears of anguish and tears of joy

I pray you’ll get lost—and discover you have the Compass within to help you find your way

The above lines are excerpts from Lisa T. Bergrens Upside-Down Prayers for Parents. She wrote a devotional series based on these upside down prayers in which she explains, 

"It’s our instinct as parents to shield our children from harm. But our true responsibility is to raise children equipped to live well for God even in the midst of struggle. Upside-Down Prayers for Parents encourages us to pray for our children in ways we may never have before"

YES! That is exactly what Teachable Parenting is all about. The book Love and Logic even states

“How do Love and Logic parents look upon their children’s mistakes? With great joy! Rather than get angry or frustrated they see mistakes as opportunities for their kids to think. They ask questions, wait for answers, and make heavy deposits into their children’s wisdom accounts.”

Can you imagine embracing your child's mistakes to the point that you prayed for these learning opportunities? Can you imagine being joyful about your child coloring on your walls so that you can train them to respect property and prevent them from being destructive elsewhere? The idea behind Love and Logic and Teachable Parenting is to turn misbehavior into wisdom when the price tag is low. That means having your son lie to you about washing his hands is bad, but aren't you glad you get to teach him the importance of honesty before it turns into something that gets him in trouble with the law or causes him to loose his job? Dr. Faye says the road to wisdom is paved with mistakes. That means that the more your child is pushing the envelope, or testing boundaries, the more opportunity you have for teachable moments. 

So how do you turn these mistakes into teachable moments? We'll talk more about this as we continue on in this series, but these are the basic steps as shown in Love and Logic:

1. Offer empathy, understanding, and unconditional love first and foremost

2. Allow them to struggle and solve their own problems

3. Encourage children to learn to succeed through personal thinking and learning

I'll give a couple real life examples for you. My 4 year old stole a candy bar from the store. It’s no big deal, we had never really discussed theft, but he knew he was being sneaking so I hauled him to the store manager. Then I winked at the big bad police and said that my son would like to return the candy and hopefully you won’t have to call the police this time. That was a low price mistake. Does that mean he will never steal in his life, I can’t guarantee that, but so far he hasn't been a repeat offender. Does that mean a child that doesn’t get caught in a robbery can never learn? No. I think you get the point though.

Another lesson. Some of you have heard the story about when I tried to set up a date in middle school and my my mom listened in on the phone call and called me out for lying (the story is here if you are curious). That could be devastating for a parent. Your precious goody-two shoes daughter was going to sneak out with a boy behind your back and then lied to your face about it! The truth is though, it was a low cost mistake and I always tell people that story because I am glad I didn’t start dating that young. I could have run to high cost mistakes in the boy department had my life taken a different turn at that point.

Now, maybe you are thinking you feel like your three year old has made enough mistakes this week and you are tired and you don’t care if the mistakes are rock bottom clearance prices you don’t want to deal with anymore. All I can say is hang in there. This too shall pass (I’ll talk more about that later). Or maybe you have a 13 year old and he/she is getting into trouble in a serious way. Forget the low price tag these mistakes are costing you monetarily and emotionally! My advice since I have never been in your shoes yet, is to check out the books I've mentioned because they have a lot of great strategies for situations like yours.

So, the next time your child makes a mistake smile and thank the Lord for the teachable moment. I dare you.

This is Day 7 of a 31 day series. For the rest of the days click HERE.