What Is Teachable Parenting?

What is Teachable Parenting all about? Well, as far as this series is concerned, it is aiming for both sides (the parent and child) to be open to learning and growth. Every parent or teacher I know is willing to admit that they learn so much from their children. That's great news, but on top of that we want to cultivate the ideal learning environment for our children through our words, actions, and discipline strategies. 

My original title was Out of Control Parenting. I actually still prefer that one, but I thought it would give off the wrong impression. The point is that when I let go of the idea that my sole purpose as a mother of young children was to control them and make sure they controlled themselves, then everything changed. I could stop living in fear at church, the grocery store, or a relatives house because suddenly I realized having compliant children that had my rules memorized was an inferior goal to the long term heart issues that I was really wanting to speak to and the self control that I myself needed to model.

With my first born (bless his heart, and all the other sibling trail blazers out there) I was just figuring it out. He was so stubborn and bull headed around age two (shocker!) I thought that I was doing something wrong or that maybe there was something wrong with him. At one point I considered the possibility of behavioral disorder.

The broken wooden blind behind him is evidence of what I am talking about.

 I mean, why on earth would a child deliberately bang their head on a hard surface!? Since then I have learned that my son was perfectly normal for his age. At the time though, the struggle was very real. I did what I thought a good Christian parent should do and I spanked him with a wooden spoon when he needed to be corrected. I had friends that had wooden spoons with a sad face drawn on the front. The paddles name was Mr. Do-Good. It was something they picked up at a parenting conference or something and the concept was that Mr. Do-Good would make you do good. So I tried that. The problem was that it wasn’t working. Neither I nor “Mr. Do-Good” could MAKE my son do anything. I wanted him to eat healthy food, but I felt like I was fighting a loosing battle. I considered the idea of chewing the food up and putting it in his mouth like a momma bird, but ewwww. I couldn’t make him go to sleep or stay in his crib. Believe me if there was a way I would have done it, but nothing legal came to mind. I couldn’t make him pee in the toilet. Don’t even get me started on that one! I read Baby Wise before he was born followed by many other parenting books and blogs. No matter how determined I was, I was a young mother that was coming to terms with the fact that either I was just a failure or my son had a personality and mind of his own and there was no secret weapon or super nanny that was going to change that. I could nurture, teach, and guide, but I couldn’t control him.

Z at age two was often strapped into a harness. Even then he could not be tamed. Ha ha.

Parent, family councilor, pastor, and author Danny Silk has a quote that was the ultimate light bulb moment for me. It was like a switch clicked and my mind was illuminated when I heard him share this on a podcast. He was speaking to parents at this point and he said

“You cannot control others. The only person you can control- on a good day- is yourself.” 

And THAT is the basis for what Teachable Parenting means to me. It is about honoring our children and treating them like the individuals that they are. It’s about applying a new covenant Biblical approach to our interactions. It’s about creating a loving spiritual environment in our homes rather than one of intimidation, manipulation, or fear. It's about being set free. 

I know parenting and discipline is a hot topic. That is why the mommy wars are so prevalent in our society because we all want to do what is best for our children and when someone says or does something to make us feel like we aren’t doing it the right way we get very defensive. To me there is no greater insult than to imply that someone is a bad parent.  For the record that is NOT what this series is about. Different things work for different families or can even vary from child to child. I have so much more to elaborate on, but that’s what the 31 days are for, so I’ll leave it at that for now. Tomorrow I will talk more about Danny Silk’s book and two other fantastic reads for parents. I hope you will join me.

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For the Index Page to this 31 Day Series click here.