It was on Easter of 1991 that Zeb was admitted to the ICU. I remember being in the car with my dad and two older brothers who were 13 and 11 years old at the time and I was almost 9. My dad turned around and asked us if we understood what was happening to Zeb and in gentle fatherly words made sure that we knew the severity of the situation and that we may have to say our goodbyes. We knew.
This was the hardest part for me. Zeb was the most fun loving energetic boy you would ever meet and it pained me to see my brother, my best bud, laying lifeless on his back in that cold sterile room. The Zeb I remember was often in overalls, he had a broad smile with big dimples, and was barefooted any chance he got.
But in the ICU he became swollen and they had to lay extra large tshirts over his body instead of dress him because of all the tubes that he was hooked up to. We still stuck together through it all. I remember reading to him The Runaway Bunny and stroking his forehead, because even though he couldn’t respond much, he seemed to appreciate the tender touch.
In April of 1991 I was called out of my second grade class to the school office. When I arrived and saw my parents and brothers with red eyes full of tears I pretty much knew what was going on. My dad told us that Zeb had passed away the night before. I remember him telling us that our ultimate goal was to get to heaven to see Jesus, but that now we have even more to look forward to. Shortly after that we moved onto a large auditorium where they made the announcement to the entire student body of our tight knit private school. Of course people pulled together to support our family, and we felt love coming from every direction. Some ladies bought me a beautiful new dress to wear to the funeral. It’s hard to believe that was 20 years ago. There has been a lot of grieving and different stages of processing, but I feel like as a family we’ve grown closer to each other and closer to God. I will never know why my little brother had to leave us at such a young age, what I do know is that we will not take for granted having such a sweet loving boy as a part of our family. We will never forget the seven precious years that we had with him here on this earth and lastly we rejoice in knowing we will see him again.
4 comments:
Tears are running down my face as I read this. I can't imagine what all you and your family have been through. I was just talking to a friend and asked when I will learn how to grieve about my dad who passed away a year and a half ago. I am so thankful that no matter what I will see me dad again and you will see your sweet Zeb again. Praise the Lord for that!
thank you for sharing this precious story - i think of daisy and geer and how they play together and are "buds" like you were with zeb. i can only imagine how this has impacted you deep inside your soul, even 20 years later.
My heart breaks for your family. I can only imagine how I would have felt if that had happened to Kerry, or if my kids had to go through it. Thank you for sharing precious Zeb's story!
Even though I know about this already, "hearing you talk" about it really is so heartbreaking. My heart breaks for you, of course, but now that I am a mother, I cannot fathom what your parents went through. A college acquaintance of mine buried her three year old 2 weeks ago. He had cancer as well, and she and I are not even that close, but I seriously could not shake them from my mind for the past few weeks. How do you go on as a mother? Only with divine help for sure.
It seems so "wrong" for a child to die. But like you said, an eventual reunion is really what comforts us as grievers....knowing that we'll see lost family members again one day. Thanks for sharing, Natalie. I love that you still have those trucks he painted. What a treasure.
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