Tuesday, March 17, 2015

10 of the Worst Ways to Respond to Your Spouse's Insecurity



I know I said I would steer away from lists that began with "What Not to Say...", but I have to vent for a minute. Don't get me wrong, my husband gives me some of the sweetest compliments. I brag about him all the time, but sometimes he sticks his foot in his mouth! Granted, we as women are often guilty of trapping them in our self pity, but everyone once in a while we just need a little reassurance. Am I right?

For example one time I was photographing a wedding and I was pregnant. It also happened to be a wedding my husband attended, AND his ex girlfriend was there too. She was not pregnant. She looked great in a beautiful dress and there I was at that awkward half way stage where I didn't have a baby bump, but I didn't have a waistline either. I was wearing my comfortable, but hideous shoes with plain slacks and a collared shirt.

So in-between the ceremony and the reception I was explaining how I just felt dumpy and insecure. My lovely husband did not respond with Oh, whatever, you look fine! or All I see is the beautiful mother of my children.

Nope.

 He said "Well, you're working." 

In other words, you do look bad, but you have a good reason.


To all the husbands out there, whether she asks you if she looks old, frumpy, or unattractive the response is always NO. No you don't. 

It's simple. Just refute the insult no matter what. Give her a hug, tell her you think she's beautiful.

Let's have a practice round.

Wife: I feel like I look so fat.

Husband: You shouldn't feel that way. You look beautiful!

DO NOT RESPOND WITH

1. I do too.
2. It's a mom thing.
3. You would be the perfect size in the 1800's
4. Why does it matter?
5. You just look fat compared to all of your friends. 
6. Well, what are you going to do about it?
7. Would a procedure help? 
8. What do you expect? You just had a baby.
9. It could be worse.

Or the worst response of all would be 

10. Why don't you ask So and So what she does to look so good. 

Unfortunately, I have heard almost all of these, although not about the fat thing. Except for one time when I did feel overweight and he said the 1800's comment.

I realize this message is going out to mostly women, but I just needed to get that off my chest. I think it goes back to the age old issue of women just wanting to talk about their feelings and men thinking we are inviting them to solve our problems.

Does anyone else have a husband that struggles with what I call "Foot in Mouth Disease"?
Or maybe he got the memo and he knows better than to agree with you when you insult yourself.

We love them either way don't we?

15 comments:

Jessica @ Barefoot by the Sea said...

Hilarious and SO true! I love the 1800's comment but agree, wouldn't want to be on the other side of it. My hubby doesn't pay attention and if I ask him how an outfit/hair/etc looks, he will barely look and respond, "fine" which is so not fine! I am definetely going to refer him over here though! Great list my friend :)

Kate Ferguson said...

I always tell Eric, I don't need you to fix it, just listen!! I find he does that with the girls too, so I am always reminding him to just listen. Then if we ask for help, then give solutions!

Bethany Boring said...

This list made me smile...and laugh too! Oh how I think we ALL have been there!!! I wonder if my hubby should comment!!!

Laura Mitchell said...

This mom of two almost wet her pants, as I giggled through this post! I will say I just now look at my husband and ask hi, "what are using to dig that hole with a shovel, gardening tool, a tractor cause it's getting deep fast." Lol

Tara Ulrich said...

Your husband seems like a pretty great guy! Great list. I'll have to keep these in mind for when I find my Mr. Right.

Krista ~ My Northwoods Life said...

I think every man should read this post ;-)

Jennie said...

These are wonderful tips!! I'll pass them on to my husband now! haha!

Hall Around Texas said...

Sometimes they just have no filter!!

Holly Housewife said...

Lololol love it! So true. Nick just said somthing like this to me last night that was a compliment but actually a non compliment

Holly Housewife said...

Like yeah you look bad but you could look worse.
Ummmm is this a compliment?? Hahahah or an insult.

Lacey Charrene said...

HAHA! Love your list. My hubby has told me many times "well do you want me to go on a diet with you?"

J Young said...

Ha! Love that story! Come on guys, even if you have to lie, just tell us what we want to hear! :)

Marina said...

I guess my husband learned to shut his mouth and rather say nothing :D hahaha, but 1800' comment is the top!

mypixieblog said...

My bf is sadly also plagued with Foot-In-Mouth Syndrome. It is a very rare and idiotic disease. I would have clocked him for the 1800s comment, though he said something similar to me recently so I just stared at him, mouth on the floor as he tried to take back his words.

"Wait a minute, that came out wrong... What I MEANT to say was..." I've found that this almost always leads to an even bigger insult. The solution is to just walk away until they have extracted said foot.

LOL, thanks for the laugh this morning :)

{amy} said...

Ha! Fortunately Chris doesn't suffer from that. This list made me laugh, though!