Tuesday, March 17, 2015
10 of the Worst Ways to Respond to Your Spouse's Insecurity
I know I said I would steer away from lists that began with "What Not to Say...", but I have to vent for a minute. Don't get me wrong, my husband gives me some of the sweetest compliments. I brag about him all the time, but sometimes he sticks his foot in his mouth! Granted, we as women are often guilty of trapping them in our self pity, but everyone once in a while we just need a little reassurance. Am I right?
For example one time I was photographing a wedding and I was pregnant. It also happened to be a wedding my husband attended, AND his ex girlfriend was there too. She was not pregnant. She looked great in a beautiful dress and there I was at that awkward half way stage where I didn't have a baby bump, but I didn't have a waistline either. I was wearing my comfortable, but hideous shoes with plain slacks and a collared shirt.
So in-between the ceremony and the reception I was explaining how I just felt dumpy and insecure. My lovely husband did not respond with Oh, whatever, you look fine! or All I see is the beautiful mother of my children.
He said "Well, you're working."
In other words, you do look bad, but you have a good reason.
To all the husbands out there, whether she asks you if she looks old, frumpy, or unattractive the response is always NO. No you don't.
It's simple. Just refute the insult no matter what. Give her a hug, tell her you think she's beautiful.
Let's have a practice round.
Wife: I feel like I look so fat.
Husband: You shouldn't feel that way. You look beautiful!
DO NOT RESPOND WITH
1. I do too.
2. It's a mom thing.
3. You would be the perfect size in the 1800's
4. Why does it matter?
5. You just look fat compared to all of your friends.
6. Well, what are you going to do about it?
7. Would a procedure help?
8. What do you expect? You just had a baby.
9. It could be worse.
Or the worst response of all would be
10. Why don't you ask So and So what she does to look so good.
Unfortunately, I have heard almost all of these, although not about the fat thing. Except for one time when I did feel overweight and he said the 1800's comment.
I realize this message is going out to mostly women, but I just needed to get that off my chest. I think it goes back to the age old issue of women just wanting to talk about their feelings and men thinking we are inviting them to solve our problems.
Does anyone else have a husband that struggles with what I call "Foot in Mouth Disease"?
Or maybe he got the memo and he knows better than to agree with you when you insult yourself.
We love them either way don't we?